The Twit in the Quit,
I had started my quit. I was in my sixth day,
I had just moved to Quitsville, though I wanted to play.
I sat home with my spaniel, we sat there, we two,
and I said, "how I long for a ciggie or two."
Too soon in my quit to be trusted at all,
So we sat in the house out of fear I would fall.
And all I could think of was Puff! Puff! Puff! Puff!
But I had decided enough was enough.
And then something went knock! Such a shocking loud knock!
We looked! Then he opened the door and stepped in!
We looked! It was Winston, my old Evil Twin!
And he said to me,"What's with this quit that you're in?
I know you have quit, and you're feeling quite bad,
but we go way back, and we've smoked quite a tad"
"I know some good smokes we could smoke" said my twin.
"Camel Filters, or straights?" asked my old evil twin.
"Some nice tasty smoke is the thing that you need.
let's go buy you a pack of your favorite weed."
My pooch Scuppers and I were unsure what to say.
I had vowed to stay 'way from the old Pik 'n' Pay.
I logged into the Q to ask what should I do.
And they said "nay, nay, nay! Make that twin go away!
Tell old Winston, that jerk that you'll make this quit work!
He should not be there! You should just throw him out!
Don't be caught unaware! He's a bum, he's a lout!"
"Now, now, now, have no fear, have no fear," said my twin.
"We'll just have one with beer. Only one is no sin,"
Said my old evil twin. "Slip City's the place we can go
for some smokes, and the folks
at the Quitnet will not need to know."
"We will know!" said the Q from behind my small screen.
"Winston's no good for you." I was caught in between.
"Have no fear!" said my twin you do not have to fall.
You can have a few puffs, you need not smoke them all.
You can stash all the rest for some horrible day
when your nerves are all frayed and you're put to the test."
So I did it. We went over to Bud's Smoke 'n' Pump.
As I lined up to purchase a pack of my Humps,
I looked under the counter and what did I see,
I could swear I heard Skittles® say "pick me, pick me!"
I grabbed them and parted with fifty-five cents,
And while Winston was gazing at 'zines just for gents
I ran out of that dump and abandoned that chump.
Home to Quitsville I raced from that Slip City place.
I was not rid of Winston, he was slow to give chase.
But he found his way back to endanger my quit.
Winston's caused me to slip, made me feel like a shit,
but I've learned to ignore him, and say "beat it, you twit."