My Mom Taught Me...
to Appreciate a Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other,
do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"
My Mom taught me RELIGION -
You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My Mom taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."
My Mom taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
My Mom taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My Mom taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My Mom taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."
My Mom taught me HUMOR-
If you cut off your foot with the lawn mower, don't come running to me"
My Mom taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE....
My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"