Do You Really Think You Can Quit?

Dear Old Friends

I cannot believe how much fun this all this is! The whining and crying, the blown quits and the general feeling of dispair and contention that hangs over this place. I especially love the bravado of your meaningless stats and protestations of how you are never going to give in to cigarettes again. The best one is, "Smoking is not an option". Heh heh, your right , cup cake, it is an imperitive, you will never quit. Why, because you do not have the guts to do it. The harder you try, the more ridiculous you look with your silly pills and patches, and gums...chemical courage to replace that which you do not have yourself! And the food, the Skittles and tootsie pops and munchies; all to satisfy the cravings that haunt you!! And all you do is get fat and blow your quits! Look at yourselves in the mirror, from behind!

Oh, I read your messagess and posts about how determined you are, how you want to free yourselves from this addiction; how you want your kids to never deal with this, yet they are doomed too, they are next and you know why? For the same reason you are now! You introduced me to them same as you invited me into your life! They have breathed your smoke, seen your example with your lighters and ashtrays and heaps of butts; and they love you and want to emulate you and trust you. You have set them up to be as weak and sick as you are! Thanks! I appreciate that! Always welcome a little help.

Once inside your shabby little lives I set up home and am quite comfortable and don't want to move! The furniture is from the Self Pity collection, the drapes are by Self Doubt with matching wall paper from the house of Whine. Don't you love the way the carpet picks up the yellow/brown stains from the drapes! My fridge is stocked with stress and temptation and the whole package is financed by fear! And to think you invited me here!And welcome me back every time you hita bump in the road of life! I love it!!

I will haunt you for life. In the depths of night when you are alone in the darkness with your thoughts and fears I will be there . I will be the fear that drives you to shivver, the ache in your soul that can only a long draw on a cigarette can fill. Your lives will have a gap in them without me, a hole that a cold wind blows through and nothing but I can fill it! In the darkness you have no friends but me; so just light up that one you have stashed. Just one won't hurt. Or stop by the 7-11 and get some low tar smokes. They don't hurt anything. Don't you want to stop aching and yelling and crying? Everyone else smokes, why not you! I've been your friend for so long now, would I lie?

Hey gotta go now, have to visit a few elementary schools, maybe I will catch one of your little ones and reintroduce myself. They won't be scaredof me as they know you and I are friends and have seen us together so often. Then it is on to the hospice to see the results of my labors. I particularly like the truly loyal buds there, the ones that smoke through the holes in their trachiotomies. Also need to remind the emphysima buds to be careful with their cigarette lighters around all that oxygen strapped to their wheel chairs! Don't want an accident to wipe out all those customers! Gosh! You can't buy loyalty like that!

Lastly it's over to the bone orchard to do a count for my bonus evaluation! I am on piecework, thank you. But, I do go on,don't I?Well, give up this quit sillyness ,you bunch of loosers, you can't do it! Besides I need the job security and the bonus! Just blow this popsicle stand and light up. Quitnet, my ass! You can't do it! You are just going to fail so why try!

Your lifelong pal,

PS. Don't believe the elders they are as full of crap as the doctors are! Phooey!

------------- A repost from camden 6/26/00: Boy, that's enough to piss ya off, huh?