I've decided to write you this letter, and let you know that for once and for all, IT IS OVER!! No more wiggling your way back in. No more promises!!! I am through with you. I no longer want you! I know that I depended on you a lot, and yes you were there, but what good have you done me?? You've only brought me false joy, false hope, and you never loved me. No not the way I loved you!

Since I was 14, you've taken my money, without a single care! OH I know it was me that handed it over to you, but you have this way of getting anyone to do just about anything you want. And convince them that they need it too. Actually have them justify whatever it is their doing just for you. You promise so much, yet what you deliver its much more different than ever imagined!

I was 38 years old when I found out what you done to me!! 38!! To my kids that seems old, but to me it sure the hell don't!!! And I've always been loyal to you too!! I never hurt you, or made you sick, or made you feel like an outcast...have I? NO...NEVER! I've always been true to you!! Took you with me everywhere I went! I made you a big part of my life!!! I never talked about you behind your back, you knew exactly where I stood. I never lied to you, or hit you, or hurt your feelings! I'd even go out of my way just for you!! But, you didn't give a rats ass! One down, millions more to go, right?? What the hell...who am I anyway?

Well lemme tell you EXACTLY who I am! I no longer want to be with you, by the Grace of God, I'm surviving without your skanky ass! I'm struggling, but you know what, in the end, what's been promised WILL be there, and so much more than you could ever possibly promise!! Not like all the empty promises you give. I am getting stronger and stronger each day! I may have my down times, but you know what....even The Winner has his down time too! I will be happier as well as healthier without you hanging around! My KIDS will be healthier with you gone, and happier too!! And their also PROUD of their Mom, for finally getting rid of you. I had done the same to them as you've done to me. I kept promising them, and promising them that soon, I would get rid of you, yet I never, ever did...not really. I guess in a way my girls are waiting for me to run out and pick you up and bring you back home again. I'll probably have to prove to them that I am finished with you, this time for good!! And the only way I can do that is to stay as far away from you as possible, and make damn sure you don't come around here! You are NO longer welcomed in my household. I don't care who you trying coming by here with...you will not be getting in my home!! You are absolutely NO good. Way I look at it, I don't ever see you doing anybody any good. Unless their on a true suicide mission. I hate you.

I hate your look, I hate your smell, and I hate the mess that you always seem to leave. Let alone the damage you've done to my home. And since I'm talking about damage, how about my lungs asshole???? 39 now, and if I keep you in my life I most definitely will not see 49, and that's pushing it. Emphysema, from what I've been told and what I've read, is so very painful, and only gets worse as it progresses. So besides all the years that I put up with you, and my bronchitis in the winter, sometimes 2 or 3 times a year, the pneumonia, colds, kids' colds and earaches, sinuses, sore throats, aching lungs, taking the life right out of me, slowing me down, ruining my complexion, my nails are all yellow looking cause of you-as well as my teeth, not to mention my carpet and furniture! You even got my girls more than I care to remember! And the worse thing that you did, was take my Mother AND my Nana away from me. And even after that, I still kept you around, and this is how you repay me??? My Nana and I were so very, very close, is that why you took her from me? Felt threatened, was afraid she might get through to me to get you the hell out of my life!

And you never paid me back for the paint I had to go out and buy to re-paint my walls because of the gunk you leave on em! Nor for the money it took to rent a carpet cleaner machine, to get your crap outta the carpets! Let alone all the money I had to spend on medicines!! Did you ever wash my curtains?? HELL NO! You did NOTHING but, surround me by a huge stinky cloud of smoke and make me sick. I will take my part of the blame for it, for I am not totally blameless here, but I won't allow you to continue doing this to me or my family anymore! Hell, even my husband is done with you! All you've ever done is take, take, take....well now it's my turn... and I'm taking it all back, back, back.

Oh I won't be able to get all of it, but that's the price I'll have to pay for my part in all this. So through all of this that I have ahead of me to face, I will keep in mind, how I felt the day my doctor told me he believed I had Emphysema. I will remember what all went through my head.....AND my heart-the fear that I felt that I might not be able to be alive and a part of my girls lives...and all because of YOU! You can keep nagging at me, and I know you will, for how long, is any one's guess, but this is it. I AM DONE!!! You are not worth getting buried before I'm 50 ...hell your not worth getting buried when I'm 101....you just ain't worth shit! And I believe you know that, and that's why you suck the life out of everything you touch! With my family and my new-found family online, and with my determination, and perseverance, I will QUIT!! I will WIN!! I WILL ENDURE!!!

P.S: And I know that in a few short years your gonna try and slink your scummy ass back in here with one of my daughters, but guess what buddy??
I'll be waiting for ya!!

LauraChristine (re-written 8/28/03)



           


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Updated July 20, 2008